Have you ever had problems with pigeons? We do. They seem to think that our back garden is the public WC for pigeons. They are also the ugliest and most stupid birds around. Whenever we try to frighten them off they just retreat to the fence or the trees and look at us. Things have got so bad this Summer that we have been making enquiries about how we might get rid of them. So far we have been given three, full proof, plans:
- Plan A – strategically situate a replica Eagle Owl in the garden. This will frighten the pigeons away.
- Plan B – buy a small stuffed bird which, when pressed, makes the sound of a peregrine falcon. Again guaranteed to frighten our unwelcome visitors.
- Plan C – buy an air pistol and shoot them.
My favourite was Plan C but Ann immediately and emphatically said no! Next we looked into Plan A – buying a plastic Eagle Owl. For £19 we could even get one with a rocking head. Ann thought that this would be a good idea and suggested the best place to put it would be on the roof of my Studio. I said that I preferred the pigeons.
So we have gone for Plan B – buying a soft toy bird that, when pressed, makes the sound of a peregrine falcon. I sat quietly in the garden waiting for the pigeons to arrive. For three days we had no sign of our feathered friends. I could only assume that they had got wind of our lethal weapon and were plaguing someone else. Then today two of them landed on the lawn. I was sat in the lounger waiting for them. As they casually walked across the garden I waited patiently and when they were least expecting it I let them have it – I squeezed the toy bird and the terrifying, if somewhat quiet, screech of a peregrine falcon filled the air. The pigeons looked in my direction with an air of curiosity. I pressed again. This time the pigeons not only looked at me but started to walk in my direction. The look in their eyes can only be described as one of lust! In fear and desperation I flung the toy bird at them and rushed indoors for safety. I think it might be time for Plan C.